- Jump in river. Forget to take wallet out of pocket. Learn nothing from the experience. Repeat next day.
- Attend Irish Music Jam Session. Narrowly avoid putting out own eye with bodhrán beater.
- Reiterate conviction that we have quite enough pets around the house already, thank you.
- Drive 12 year old with big eyes and remarkable persistence to pick up kitten.
- Go sailing with friends. Demonstrate sailing prowess. Thank God for outboard motors.
Category Archives: Post-Mortem
Weekend To-Do: Postmortem
Reaffirm my lack of skill at Scrabble.Take long nap on couch in sunbeam. Endure withering stares from cat, whose spot and habit I usurped.Watch a truly staggering amount of invertebrate sex.Attend child’s birthday party with bouncy castle. Bounce. Rip pants.For second year running, win “lamest halloween costume” award, this time with sketch of ghost magic markered on top of bald head.Forget to remove costume before church.
Weekend To-Do: Postmortem
Prove that I’m still constitutionally capable of eating nothing that isn’t fried for a 24 hour period. Regret it.Attend library book sale. Feel inordinately pleased with myself for finding several books and CDs, the existence of which I’d been previously unaware and without which my life would have been no less rich.Spend 92 minutes mulling the question: “Littlest Pet Shop or My Little Pony?”Give Liam a Mohawk. Make plans to tell Principal of school that it’s part of his religious observance.Create elaborate plans for putting an end to our plumbing problems in the front bathroom.- Actually implement elaborate plans for putting an end to our plumbing problems in the front bathroom.
Weekend To-Do: Postmortem
Take youngest daughter to river. Get sunburned head. Consider Hair Club for Men or gluing a chinchilla to my noggin.Get attacked by oldest daughter with cleverly captured goose. In retribution, use telepathic powers to make goose poop on her shoe.Plan reunion of old friends. Have it dissolve utterly. Eat fourteen pounds of leftover sandwiches.Play tag with children. Brain self on playground railing. Teach children new vocabulary words.- Finish writing up weekend postm
Weekend To-Do: Postmortem
Buy another Wii at Toys R’ Us. Resell on eBay to take advantage of continued scarcity. By dint of exceptional financial acumen, lose $13 on the whole deal.In spite of continued illness, sing for offering at church. Receive 6x as many compliments on music as when I’m healthy. Savor irony.Marvel at lego Stephen Hawking. Dither on whether it shows extreme reverence or extreme irreverence.Drink tea from promotional cup clearly labeled “Java”. Feel rebellious.Wonder what exactly wife meant by “I didn’t know the difference between ‘nauseated’ and ‘nauseous’ until I married Sean.”
Weekend To-Do: Postmortem
Post job opening to Craig’s List. Wonder why it doesn’t appear on the site. Email support. Fail to receive reply. Realize one gets what one pays for.Go to airport to retrieve 15 year old. Scoff at 10 year old’s suggestions that repeated schedule changes are airline’s way of “breaking it to you gently that the plane crashed.”Breathe sigh of relief when 15 year old’s arrival proves 10 year old’s theory false.Wonder if bringing 8 year old to honky-tonk bars to hear dad play music will ultimately give him a healthier or less-healthy attitude toward alcohol.Shoot lots of virtual, fake, video-game zombies. Feel warm glow of virtual, fake, video-game accomplishment for protecting virtual, fake, video-game loved ones. Tell actual, non-fake, real-world loved ones to stop interrupting zombie-shooting.- Read important masterpiece of world literature.
Weekend To-Do: Postmortem
Discuss their recent urological procedures with two friends. Get the willies.Play for offering at church. Cause long-term downward spiral, eventual collapse of church finances.Celebrate family members’ birthdays by eating enormous heaping piles of dead cow, turkey. Vow never to eat BBQ again.Eat BBQ again.Make stuffed jalepeños. Realize belatedly that wrapping saran wrap around one’s hands isn’t as good as having actual gloves. Endure fiery agony.Eat 52 stuffed jalepeños, partly because they’re delicious, but mostly as vengeance for aforementioned fiery agony.Finish reading Harry Potter. Lament having job, precluding going back and reading all of the books again over course of next week.
Weekend To-Do: Post-Mortem
Help move refrigerator, stove. Use tools. Narrowly avoid self-inflicted injury.Help erect fence. Feel disproportionately manly.Lead music at church. Fail to drive congregants to apostasy or evacuation, in spite of usual fears.Endure three hundred twenty second continuous day of rain. Wonder who moved San Marcos to England without telling me.Watch fireworks from semi-illicit perch in top of library. Enjoy six-year-old’s observation: “I just saw a bird explode!”Carry projector and screen 1.5 miles on foot, resolving any lingering doubts about own sanity.
Weekend To-Do: Post-Mortem
Attend wedding rehearsal, play with band while wife and kids dance and run around. Find out after the fact that the bartender cut Liam off after 8 root beers.Keep kids out far after bedtime, thus ensuring squabbling and grumpiness. Vow never to do so again.Have breakfast with dear out-of-town friends. Laugh heartily at stories. Spray friends with mist of partially-masticated breakfast taco.Attend wedding. Goggle at beauty of dear friends’ mutual love, beauty of setting, quantity of alcohol consumed.Keep kids out far after bedtime, thus ensuring squabbling and grumpiness. Vow never to do so again. Again.Get together with high school music buddy. Play impromptu ukulele/string bass/2 part vocal harmony version of Helter Skelter. Frighten dog.- Complete months-overdue contract work.
Weekend To-Do: Post-Mortem
Minor Tweaks, one of my favorite people-I’ve-never-met weblogs, runs a regular feature called “Weekend To Do List: Post-Portem”. Believing fervently that plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery, I’m adopting the practice here. Enjoy!
Take wife to Fredericksburg for anniversary getaway. Marvel at, contribute to, economy fueled entirely by souvenirs.Try Mad Dog hot sauce on a cracker. Realize belatedly that 600,000 scoville units is 90x hotter than Tabasco. Sweat and moan.Watch “The Holiday”. Wonder why we didn’t get famous neighbors when we did a home exchange in England.Find dog by side of road. Adopt against better judgement.Accidentally set Dance Dance Revolution machine to “ultra-hard”. Flail gamely to the amusement and consternation of Chuck E. Cheese visitors. (“Hide your eyes, children!”) Thank the heavens wife doesn’t know how to use YouTube.- Install ceiling fan acquired 9 months ago.