Today I found myself sitting at my desk, thinking thusly to myself: “Self,” I thought, (remember kids, it’s environmentally conscious to reduce, reuse, and recycle old jokes), “Why is it that we have Lime Coke, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Raspberry Coke, Snozberry Coke (it tastes like Snozberries!), but no Peppermint Coke?”

One serving of diet coke and a liberal helping of peppermint extract later, I have the answer. Oh, my pink hearts, yellow moons, and orange stars, that’s bad. I think I’m going blind. Not my beautiful eyes! Take my taste buds, please! I’m coming to join you, Elizabeth, I’m coming!